If you are a lawyer, I love you. Really, I do. In my book* you are exciting, intelligent, mysterious, courageous, resourceful, thoughtful, witty, well-spoken and you are heroic.
I am married to a judge but he was once a lawyer and that is how my fascination with you all began. Yet, years of trial watching, staff chatting and transcript reading has created a bizarre obsessive/compulsive need to figure you all out. Since I haven’t been able to, I can at least explain why you are irresistibly inspiring to this novelist and those who love to read about you.
1) You speak legalese. That language is exotic, irresistible, intimidating. Throw in a little Latin – a quid pro quo or prima facia – and you can melt a woman’s resolve and strike fear into the hearts of mortal men.
2) You are confident. Is there a super- secret-double-indemnity-swear-on-your-mother’s-grave-and-never-tell class in law school that teaches you how to argue any and every point of view with grace and conviction?**
3) You are authoritative. Bad guys pay you to tell them what to do. That makes you a little edgy by association and who doesn’t like a bad boy – or girl?
4) You are altruistic. You defend people (even bad people) because you believe everyone deserves a defense.
5) You are altruistic. You prosecute people (even good people) because you believe in justice.**
6) You are eye-candy. From the couture clad divorce-attorney-to-the stars, to the public defender sporting a plaid jacket and pony tail and the plaintiff’s lawyer in that Italian suit you turn courthouse hallways into runways.
7) You are funny. Sometimes you even mean to be funny. Either way, a funny attorney is charming and a witty one is irresistible.
8) You are excellent secret keepers. This is not to be confused with being trustworthy. Though I believe you are trustworthy, that is often a point of debate.
9) You are curious and tenacious.***
10) You are heroes. You are not just heroes in the literary sense. In real life you (and your expertise) are often the only thing standing between a person keeping or losing something important to them: their children, their fortune, their reputation, their freedom and, yes, their life.****
*Actually, in all my books since I write legal thrillers.
**This also means that your significant other can never win an argument through debate. Experience tells me the only recourse a normal person has when arguing with a lawyer is to cry and proclaim: “You are right, you are always right.” Works for me.
***Characteristics that make you the perfect inspiration for novels and films.
****You have my permission to show this list to anyone who questions your lovability, capability, or worth. You may also use the aforementioned in advertising, closing arguments, opening statements, and speed dating.