A Great Leap for Mankind?

Trampoline
For the uneducated, this is a trampoline. But is it Mr Burden's?

I wonder what ran through James Burden’s head when he decided that he would bounce naked on his trampoline early one March morning.

It was to his great misfortune that a female neighbour saw him “stark naked and with a cigarette in one hand and his genitals in the other” and so reported him to the police for public indecency.  The woman mentioned that Mr. Burden was “bold as brass…and purposeful”.

When the police arrived, Mr. Burden is reported to have told them that he told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there. As justification he stated that he had not intended anyone to see him and had done it “just for the thrill of it”.

Burden has subsequently pleaded guilty to publicly exposing his person in a shameless and indecent manner, and approaching his neighbour’s house and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.

According to Burden’s agent, he only pled guilty to avoid the embarrassment of a full criminal trial and wished to change his plea. This has been rejected and the defender has been placed on the sexual offenders register.

As Scots Law News wittily noted, STV has helpfully put up a picture of a trampoline for those not sure what one looks like. It is not yet clear whether this is Mr. Burden’s trampoline but it is hoped that this shall be cleared up when sentencing is reported later this month.

Ruairidh Wynne-McHardy is the founder of student website LawSpeak and contributes to Law Brief Update.